Makin up (my mind) is hard to do

Wow! my peeps are finally leaving the area for the big relocate. It will be the first time in my life that I have not lived in the same city and state as them. It is bittersweet. It affected me alot more than I realized it would. I do have to make the decision as to whether I plan to temporarily relocate where they are, at the end of this month. I say temporarily because I a planning a more permanent move in the next 3 months GOD-willing, that will put me further away from them, so I am considering spending my last few days with them. I just have so much to consider such as tying up loose ends here mostly financial and I have a few people I need to see and who want to see me before I leave, also I would like to be in a different work environment when I make my big move, and that is also something that is causing a little confusion as the company I am looking to get into is hiring here but they do have other offices across the country just not hiring for the same position I am eligible for... I don't know what the future holds for me in these next coming months. Hopefully things will work out.

A quick excuse

I am becoming a horrible blogger. I don't know what to blame it on because it is a multitude of things, most of which have to do with some life changing decisions I have to make. So of course once again I feel overwhelmed :S On a lighter note, I have found someone to love....again :) Except this time I think it is the real deal. Maybe that is taking a big chunk of my time? hmmm yeah it probably is lol!

Ignorance is not always bliss

Something occurred today at work (well a couple of somethings) that I was unsure if I would bother blogging about, but then I happened to stop by Shaz's blog and after reading this post about offensive behavior and which happened to link to IMuslim's very informative post pertaining to the Rachel Ray/ Dunkin Donuts story , I decided that I would write this post. I mentioned a while back about a new fan to my blog, that I have influenced to possibly start her own blog. Well that fan happens to be a really cool lady I work with. She was helping me finish up some work in my department when one of our "favorite customers" came in as usual she proceeded to provide us with more information than was necessary as to why she was there. Now don't get me wrong I don't mind having a brief conversation with customers about themselves, but I am not a particular fan of this woman due to the fact that she is somewhat of a no-it-all who does not exercise any form of restraint in her opinions no matter how stereotypical, bigoted, or offensive they may be. Usually this type of person would receive a dose of my opinion right back at them, but she talks in a manner in which she seems to be oblivious to the fact that she is offending anyone. I usually politely say my piece and continue working, but now I see her and I try to avoid her if possible. Today I did not have that option. So after informing us why she was in there, she was about to walk away when she said I was at the social security building the other day and I saw a lady in a full burqa and I thought, "I don't understand why she does it, I know she is hot." Now being that I have dealt with this lady many times before I knew her comment was not out of concern, but one "of your different and you need to be like me" attitude. So I politely but firmly explained to her that that is not necessarily true, because depending on the type of cloth used, it can be cooler than having your skin exposed directly to the sun. I also stated that you have to walk in someone else shoes before you can make certain judgements. My co-worker, who is not Muslim shook her head in agreement. The customer disagreed (of course) and said that she likes to have as little clothes on as possible when she is hot. When she left my co-worker said, "I see what you go through, you handled it well though because that could not have been me."Some people cannot understand how this comment about being hot is offensive to me, that's because they have never walked in my footsteps. They have not been given stares and oddball questions like, "how do you guys have babies?" and "Do you guys get menstrual cycles?" I have heard some of the most stupidest things! When I was younger I did not worry about dressing in a certain manner as not to attract too much public attention to certain parts of my body, it was not until I came of age and started developing that I chose to adhere to my "religious" guidelines and cover those areas when out in public. So I understand how it feels to have the sun beating down on you skin directly and also what it feels like to have the sun beating down on your skin through cloth. I have walked in the path of both perspectives. The reason why I take it offensively is because I have dealt with public ridicule at many times in my life; how many times have I heard someone yell from a moving car, "take all that Sh*t off!" Or been asked really sarcastically, "aren't you hot with all that stuff on?!" This type of behavior because I choose to cover my hair and legs and arms in public. I could have on a normal pair of pants and a top, but I am considered to be soo weird by some lol. Come on it's 97 degrees outside everyone is feeling hot not just me! People just like to have someone to pick on to make themselves feel better about their not-so-perfect-lives. Which brings me to my second thing that occurred that same day....One of my coworkers was discussing the presidential elections and the candidates with me and another coworker, and she commented how if Barrack Obama was to take office people should not expect everything to be perfect. She stated that since 9''11 we were at serious risk because we are at war with people who do not like us and are jealous of us etc. So we have to continue the war anyway because we are not safe. Well there are 2 issues that are touchy subjects especially at work. One is religion and the other is politics. These issues are not the best thing to debate about at work because people get very firm and emotional about their viewpoint, and at work it is about the team effort of getting the job done for the good of the company as a whole, and when some people disagree they take it to another level of hatred and dislike. That is why you have to be careful who you discuss these two topics with at work. If you know that the person can handle a conversation/debate with dignity and respect to agree to disagree without sacrificing the work relationship thereafter, then by all means engage in a educated discussion. However if this person is going to get emotional and personal about it and afterwards have animosity towards you and therefore compromises the work environment, then they are probably not the type of person you would want to hold that topic of discussion with. Anyway back to my present story, after stating her opinion, and turning to me for agreement, I decided to give my coworker my opinion, no matter how unpatriotic she may have seen it. I strongly disagree with people who think that as Americans we can do no wrong and are always completely and infallibly correct in our actions. I think that people who just spew out what the media feeds them and tells them is true are seriously doing themselves an injustice. Likewise anyone who claims to follow the American dream and ideals are actually being unpatriotic when they say this. You are suppose to have the right to think how you want to think and not be persecuted or treated with injustice if you think otherwise. But more often now people who do not agree with what the government is doing are given a hard time or are often taunted and labeled traitors by the so-called "Patriots." I think we have a responsibility to treat people how we want to be treated and that some of the tension we have with other nations has in some part to do with our actions as well. I know because I have suffered discrimination at the hands of some of my own countrymen over the years as well. I also believe that anyone who thinks that our government is completely perfect and innocent is delusional. I think that our government as well as governments abroad are in need of reform and are very corrupt. Power and greed for wealth are serious issues that are often abused even by some well-meaning individuals. So open your eyes and your ears and see things from all viewpoints before determining what you believe. Don't just take your daily dosage of the truth from others.

Relocating-to the land of humiliation

Yes I am bad I have not been blogging since last month :O... I have a few good reasons. 1. the whole limited access computer thin, with the library and the limitations etc.; yeah no need to divulge all the boring details. 2. I am in the process of moving and possibly relocating. Between Tuesday through Wednesday afternoon I did not sleep I was awake for over 24 hours, and boy did I feel it last night when I went to work! I was literally falling asleep on the job. You know that sleepy where you are so tired, but for whatever reason you are obligated to stay awake? I really was almost moved to tears because I was sooo tired. As soon as our 1 hour break came, I went and found a place to sleep and felt much more refreshed when I returned to work after an hour. The packing portion and vacating the old house is actually complete, but my family is up in the air as to whether or not they are moving out of state. Well actually they are more inclined to moving out of state than staying here. So it is pretty much decided that they will move out of state, but the problem is they have not officially gotten the place of their choice right now, so they are camping out at my brother's and sister-in-law's place for two days then onto NC they will go. I am in a dilemma as I am pretty much set in the idea of relocating before the beginning of next year, but not necessarily to NC. So I am staying at the bro.'s house for at least another two weeks. The way I see it if I follow them it will only be temporary as I plan on possibly going elsewhere, but at the same time I am fed up with this area and Wally World and if the family are not here, there really is nothing that keeps this place interesting for me.However I do not want to transfer to the NC Wally World location even though that is a guaranteed job. So I don't know if I should stay here and work until later this year or go there for a few months and be where my family is as well as friends and a better environment for me? The number 3 reason I have not been blogging is because my time has been occupied with someone very interesting :) for a little while now. Someone who is really wonderful for me, and I never would have imagined running across. A couple of days ago we were exchanging text messages, while I was suppose to be at work (oopps! don't snitch) and I was waiting a little while after sending a text message and receiving no response, so I inquired as to whether or not B.B. got the text and B.B. replied, "What text?" Well I assumed something was wrong with the phone and I tried texting it on my other phone; still nothing. This proved to be a bad decision because both B.B. and I have 2 mobile phones one is for everyday use and the other is for emergencies and out of town usage--prepaid thing. Anyway I was trying to send the text to B.B.'s secondary phone from my secondary phone, but what I did not realize was that when copying B.B.'s secondary number to my other phone I transposed the numbers lol! So what was happening was I was sending text messages to someone else! I only found this out because later that week as I was talking to B.B. on my main line, my other phone started ringing, and I told B.B., "hold on a sec." I looked at the caller ID on the phone and saw his other number (or rather what I copied incorrectly in the other phone) and I asked him jokingly, " why are you playing and calling me from your other phone while I am already talking to you?" So he was like, "huh?" I answered the phone and it was another man. He proceeded to tell me that he had been receiving messages from my phone and he did not know who they were from lol. To make matters worse his wife was asking him who was sending him text messages at 2 o'clock in the morning lol! Oh the horror! I felt so bad and embarrassed! Thanks to my blunder I nearly caused a divorce! It was later when I compared the numbers in both phones and asked B.B. to repeat the second number he gave me that I realized that when putting the number in the secondary phone I had transposed some of the numbers lol. What an idiot! Anyway B.B.'s arrival in my life was unexpected, but so cool. Thanks B.B.! I will eventually divulge some more details later....well maybe lol. So I have not had much time to blog really, but things are beginning to change for me and yet at the same time things are unchanged in many ways...but hey that's life!

A quick one....

I am hurt. I am so mad. I wanted the Cavaliers to advance on to the Eastern Conference Finals mostly because I wanted to watch Kobe Bryant and Lebron James play against each other, but now... boo hoo sniff* sniff* Too Horrible; too tragic. Anyway an other news I am very happy for one of the most simplest reasons....which I will disclose at another time. Also wanted to share the cutest thing I heard the other day, my sister told me she heard my little nephew asking my neice, "What are Toddlers?" and her response was as clear and confident as could be, "They're giant babies." :)

Things that are on my mind

1. The political race---I am not much of a voter mainly because I don't buy a word that politicians are saying majority of the time, but this race is very interesting many people are expecting to see some sort of historical change in the presidency, but I believe they are in disillusion. If I am wrong about this I will be surprised. I was in my dad's car the other day and he was listening to the Tom Joyner morning show on the radio, (which I really do not like) and as usual Tom had Tavis Smiley on the show for a quick segment about the whole political campaign. I must say I enjoy seeing what Tavis Smiley has to say even if I don't agree with it all. Tavis is a very intelligent and informed man, without being too uptight. He commented on how the topic of the disparity between the classes in this country is not really being addressed by any of the candidates. He stated that most many people are struggling to just stay alive, while the rich is just getting richer. I agree totally with his statements. Everywhere prices are going up on everything. Even the price of something as simple as a candy bar is skyrocketing! I was in Bottom Dollar Grocery (BTW they suck and should change their name because they are not that inexpensive) not too long ago and was shocked to find that a Hershey bar was 75 cents! That's what I would pay at 7-eleven! Meanwhile we are being told that the price increases have to do with the "illegal" war that is going on, even though some companies have become even more rich directly from the war, including some of those politicians who have a vested interest in some of those companies. Yes the economic issues are getting worse and it definitely needs to be made a real priority. 2. Respect---There is a lack of it at my job. It is the main issue that makes me hate working there and at places like it. There is no respect for what we do, as well as no respect for us as individuals. Just the other night I had to very verbally remind a coworker that I would not tolerate disrespect, especially from someone who I show courtesy and consideration to. I have been disrespected and discriminated by people many times tracing as far back as childhood, and when I became an adult capable of making my own decisions and taking care of my affairs, I decided to never accept blatant disrespect ESPECIALLY in my work environment. I hate when people think because I am reserved (only at work ! lol) and try to be polite, that I will bend to whatever form of abuse they will give me. Unfortunately for them they are quite surprised to find that that is not the case. 3.The bad drivers here in V.A.---OMG sometimes I just want to ram people in the back of their cars lol! They drive like idiots, and not in a way that is controlled chaos like you will find in Philly, New York or D.C., but like fools who need to go back to drivers ed. classes. If one more person nearly causes an accident with me, I'll....well I don't know what I'll do lol. I'll admit sometimes I find myself almost succumbing to a mild case of road rage often, but my good sense stops me from acting out on my fantasies. 4. Finally I have been trying to think of the good things that are going on in my life---I have been happy about the recent trips to N.C. I enjoy the area and especially visiting my friend. I am planning another trip there at the end of the month GOD-willing. Why not? it is the only trip I can afford lol I just pay for gas and few odds and ends and the rest is free. I don't have to pay for a hotel or anything so that is the perfect break for a broke chick like me! Also I am happy I have met someone of possible interest to me for now anyway lol. Things change ya know. I also had a couple of ego boosters when I found out that 2 of the sample handbags that were given to my baby sisters were admired by some of their peers (I guess I really need to pursue it more) and when I invited another viewer to my blog she startd reading it, and now I have possibly inspired her to start her own. Yeah that's cool :) *If you want to check out Tavis's website click on his name in the post, and it will take you to the link

My sister is a nut

The other day when I went to the library I borrowed my dad's van (my car is out of commission for the next few days), and as I was parking my two baby sisters suggested that I use the handicap spot, because my dad has a disabled parking decal (due to his cancer). I laughed and told them no of course, and that would not be right and I could get caught, but they reminded me of a story about my other younger sister who would take my dad to his appointments sometimes and she would use her car, so she had the decal. This was fine when he was with her but she also used it when he wasn't lol. I would always tell her," you are sooo wrong; (ha ha) you're going to get caught!" One day we went roller skating and she decided to use the decal again! I asked her, "Ok how are you going to pull this one off?" " You are suppose to be handicap, but you are going skating lol!" She said," watch this." She gets out her car and starts limping on one foot, actually it was more of half limp half stroll. She looked like a gimp pimp lol. I started cracking up and then I ran ahead of her because it was embarrassing and I didn't want to be around when the cops gave her a ticket for stupidity lol.

"Say What!?"

With the state of the economy right now, it is interesting to know that there is somewhere to escape to .

Celebrity siting: Chris Brown and Rhianna came in our store part 2

I was like huh! Chris Brown looked at me for a minute with a look that read, "Please don't scream, please don't go crazy." Trust me it wasn't that serious lol; I didn't do either. I am not starstruck like that. Then when he saw that I was, going to remain calm he went back to browsing and chatting with Rhianna. There was a body guard with them and 2 other females (I'm guessing the dancers maybe), or rather I should say the bodyguard was more so guarding Rhianna. I was very surprised though and proud of the fact that people did not overreact and maul them; and scream or anything, granted it was past midnight and not a very busy night for us but still the people that were in there behaved well and allowed them to do their shopping. It was funny though because they were on the General Merchandise side of the store, but our Grocery associates, came creeping over pushing carts of "freight" to get a look and see if the rumor were true. Eventually one of the Assistant mangers came on the intercom and announced that all Grocery associates needed to return to the grocery side of the store and get back to work lol. Management watched and made sure all associates didn't really leave their areas to go and follow them, but ironically enough or should I say hypocritically enough, one of the assistant managers asked for Chris's and Rhianna's autographs because "her kids were big fans." Only a few other associates actually had the chance to get an autograph. One was a cashier who went running down the aisle saying, "Chris Brown can I have your autograph!", and even though she was instructed by her supervisor to come back, she kept going anyway and did eventually get the signature lol. He was pretty cool about it and signed a few autographs for the customers that asked. I guess he would be nice in his hometown of V.A., wouldn't be a smart move not to be huh? Another customer asked if she could take a picture and the body guard said no. Later on when I mentioned it to people, they questioned me as to why I didn't get an autograph or take a picture, and there are a three reasons why I didn't: 1. I was suppose to be working and was being monitored by my management to make sure that I remained working. 2. Taking a picture wasn't allowed (see previous sentences for reason) and if I had took the chance and snapped a picture on my camera phone, I am quite sure this would have had a much more negative impact because I was an employee rather than if the customer did it. I would assume that I would have received some sort of reprimand from management. 3. The most important reason of all is because it really wasn't that important to me, yes seeing them there, not in disguise was shocking, but I really don't think that having a person's autograph is anything special and if I would have gotten it I would have sold it on Ebay to someone who cared. I am not a fan of their's per se and I don't go out and buy their cds or anything. I would have been more impressed if I had met Nelson Mandela; someone who has made a much more important social impact relating to humanity. If I could have sat down and chatted with people like him that would be memorable to me. So aside from watching them peruse the different departments and saying hi to them, it was pretty low key. But an event out of the ordinary of the usual routine nonetheless..

Celebrity siting: Chris Brown and Rhianna came in our store last night part 1

I am not much for caring too much about celebrities, but I must say I was a little shocked last night when Chris Brown and Rhianna decided to stop by and do a little browsing and shopping in our good ole Wally World last night (approximately a little past midnight). I saw what looked like an unmarked tour bus outside the store before coming back from first break last night, and didn't think much of it, until I walked in and was walking past my department and I saw a girl who really resembled Rhianna and I thought to myself, "wow she really looks like her?!" But then next to her I see a guy next to her who looked like Chris Brown and I thought hmmm what a coincidence, maybe too much of a coincidence; until they turned around and looked me in the face and I realized it was them :O -- to be continued (because my time at the library is up lol).....

Thank You

I have been thinking (there's a first) about the people I have met in my life lately. I have heard on more than one occasion how you can learn something new from everyone you meet, in fact I can even recall a famous quote saying that you should cherish every chance encounter, because each is an opportunity to gain new knowledge....or something to that effect. Anyway it got me thinking that I need to start looking at this and really acting upon it. When I think about it even people that I have had bad relationships or encounters with, it did give me the chance to understand or experience something new (once my anger subsided of course). So to all my friends and enemies I say thank you for giving me the chance to experience the variety in life. I am especially grateful to a few select people, such as my best friends (especially F)--- thank you for allowing me to understand that I don't have to change to find that special loyal friend who will accept me and all my goofy, boring, bizarre, and not so so bizarre moments. To the first guy I ever considered spending my life with, although it did not work out I still say thank you. Before you I had trust issues about men and I had a hard time imagining that I would be able to feel that way, but you changed that. Now I am more open and receptive and appreciative of the opportunity to be with someone who is willing to stand by my side and build a future together and although I have not found him yet, I know that the possibility is there. Thank you. To my third grade teacher Mrs. Patricia Baugh from Camp Allen Elementary---Thank You. You were so instrumental in harnessing my creativity and passion. You made me realize that certain things were possible and acheivable, and you were the only one perceptive enough to notice that I was a blind little bat who desperately needed glasses lol. You were a wonderful teacher and I only hope you can read this and know how much I appreciate the impact you made on me. Lastly to my group of aquaintances those who I know in real life and those who I know thru the net, you are such a group of diverse individuals from different backgrounds and I thank you for allowing me to know a little bit about the many different people who make up this world. Whether we agree or disagree you allow me the chance to expand my knowledge of the world... There is no need to express here my graitude for the lessons and support I have recieved from my family especially my mother (who I have inherited alot of my traits from) because words are not nearly enough. Of course I am aware that anything I have learned and received is a blessing from our exalted creator so I strive to always remember him and remain humble about any knowledge I have gained.

How to deal

Boo hoo I have no internet access right now except for my occasional trips to the library :( so blogging is very difficult to do right now. I am experiencing my usual economic hardships, so nothing new,I am growing extremely weary if this whole scene and looking for a change, I am ready to pack up my things and leave this area although that might be hard to do with no money lol. I really look forward to the day when I can type that my money crisis is over---if that day ever comes......Work--"Wally World how do I despise thee let me count the ways"....At Wally World things never seem to get better only worse; more drama and scandals everyday. I usually try to keep myself at a distance from most of the drama and choose to keep company of a select few, even though I get along with many people there; but because of this I am sometimes accused of being stuck-up, anti-social or shy. The first 2 are definitely not my qualities and the last, is only applicable sometimes. How can you feel at ease at a place where the management is just as much a part of causing drama as the reg. employees? Not to mention the assortment of customers we get. On my way out to lunch last night I had a guy block my car in with his car, so that he could hit on me! I swear sometimes I think I am entering another world when I walk into that store. On a sad note one of my coworkers on my shift was found dead in his home (health related). It was pretty shocking to everyone as most of us had seen him just a night or two before at work and everything seemed fine. One of our other coworkers had been dating him for a couple of months, so she naturally took it hard and took a couple of days off. When she came back it was somewhat awkward as it was hard to approach her because she was very distant, you could see that she did not want anyone talking to her and later she confided in another associate that she had to curse out one employee who called her mobile phone 12 times. Seeing her like that made me think about the process of life and greiving. I remember when my grandfather died I was very sad and it felt like a small part of myself died too and then later when my grandmother died it felt the same way. It's ironic that when someone dies you feel so isolated and alone wih your grief and feel as if you will never get over it, but then someday somehow, with no knowledge of when exactly it happened, you move on. You wake up and suddenly the trees are green again and you can hear the birds chirping and the world has not stop functioning, so you too have to continue to function. Just mentioning that person's name does not bring you to tears anymore. How difficult is it for you to purge that person's immediate existence from you psyche? Their memories now go into the archive of your brain for you to recall when needed and the space that they use to occupy is now filled with new thoughts. I guess it is the basic natural instinct of the human body; to survive. You have to go on living and therefore have to adjust to this change so as not to diminish yourself. Although in some miniscule way it makes me feel guilty, but it is only normal. A few weeks after my grandfather died I wrote this short poem---"You live on inside of me. Some carved wood; some garden greens--a memory of who you use to be." It made my mind feel much more at ease.

A Much Needed Break

Wow I had a good time on my trip! I was so happy to take some time off and visit one of my best friends in NC even if it was only three hours from here. I arrived Friday evening with two of my sisters, and we arrived back home Tuesday at midnight. I love the way my friend introduces me to people, she always says so excitedly "this is my friend W." "I've known her since I was 2!" lol It's so cool how that means alot to her and that she really values our friendship. Really we are all just extended family. We had a good time, and although there was alot I did not get to do (just an excuse to go back in a month!), I did have fun. The area that she lives in is really beautiful, there was lavender growing all along the roadside it was so beautiful and well kept. I wanted to take pictures, but I was so busy doing other things, that I neglected to do so. Some of the highlights of my trip were our visit to the icecream shop where I had a scoop of blueberry icecream and a scoop of swiss chocolate icecream, I know this may not seem like such a big deal, but I have never been any more adventurous than trying rocky road icecream, so honey flavored, peach flavored, rasberry flavored and blueberry flavored icecream was really a treat! The other highlight of trip was our visit to the roller skating rink. It is always fun to act carefree like a kid every once in a while. These were some of the small things, but they meant the most. The only downfall of my trip was the difference in the altitude, because of it I felt unusually sleepy earlier than usual and could not stay up past that point. I even went to the movies, and the moment the lights went out to start the movie, I layed my head down and fell to sleep and did not wake up until the last 10 minutes of the movie lol and it was a comedy (lots of laughter in the theater)! But overall I just enjoyed being able to visit her and having time off from Wally World. Unfortunately when I got back to Wally World my first night was horrible :( But such is the plight of a Wally World worker drone.....