How to deal

Boo hoo I have no internet access right now except for my occasional trips to the library :( so blogging is very difficult to do right now. I am experiencing my usual economic hardships, so nothing new,I am growing extremely weary if this whole scene and looking for a change, I am ready to pack up my things and leave this area although that might be hard to do with no money lol. I really look forward to the day when I can type that my money crisis is over---if that day ever comes......Work--"Wally World how do I despise thee let me count the ways"....At Wally World things never seem to get better only worse; more drama and scandals everyday. I usually try to keep myself at a distance from most of the drama and choose to keep company of a select few, even though I get along with many people there; but because of this I am sometimes accused of being stuck-up, anti-social or shy. The first 2 are definitely not my qualities and the last, is only applicable sometimes. How can you feel at ease at a place where the management is just as much a part of causing drama as the reg. employees? Not to mention the assortment of customers we get. On my way out to lunch last night I had a guy block my car in with his car, so that he could hit on me! I swear sometimes I think I am entering another world when I walk into that store. On a sad note one of my coworkers on my shift was found dead in his home (health related). It was pretty shocking to everyone as most of us had seen him just a night or two before at work and everything seemed fine. One of our other coworkers had been dating him for a couple of months, so she naturally took it hard and took a couple of days off. When she came back it was somewhat awkward as it was hard to approach her because she was very distant, you could see that she did not want anyone talking to her and later she confided in another associate that she had to curse out one employee who called her mobile phone 12 times. Seeing her like that made me think about the process of life and greiving. I remember when my grandfather died I was very sad and it felt like a small part of myself died too and then later when my grandmother died it felt the same way. It's ironic that when someone dies you feel so isolated and alone wih your grief and feel as if you will never get over it, but then someday somehow, with no knowledge of when exactly it happened, you move on. You wake up and suddenly the trees are green again and you can hear the birds chirping and the world has not stop functioning, so you too have to continue to function. Just mentioning that person's name does not bring you to tears anymore. How difficult is it for you to purge that person's immediate existence from you psyche? Their memories now go into the archive of your brain for you to recall when needed and the space that they use to occupy is now filled with new thoughts. I guess it is the basic natural instinct of the human body; to survive. You have to go on living and therefore have to adjust to this change so as not to diminish yourself. Although in some miniscule way it makes me feel guilty, but it is only normal. A few weeks after my grandfather died I wrote this short poem---"You live on inside of me. Some carved wood; some garden greens--a memory of who you use to be." It made my mind feel much more at ease.

About Vera Bradley & Others

Vera Bradley I believe is one of the designers who really helped pioneer the use of fabrics other than vinyl, leather, and leather-look in making handbags. Her bags are mostly quilted cottons. She has allowed people to understand that a nice quality handbag can be made out of many different textures. Other designers who use odd materials to produce interesting handbags: ~Whiting & Davis for their use of metal mesh in their handbags ~Ecoist for their use of recycled materials such as candy wrappers. They have some really cool bags. ~ Wendy Stevens for her use of sheet metal and leather combination, her bags look like works of art you want to display them in a museum. (You can purchase one if you can afford it ;) at www.guild.com If you like to do your part whether it is helping the environment, helping tsunami victims, or helping African women crafters make an income, these are some companies whose products benefit these causes: http://www.ecoist.com/ www.eco-handbags.ca www.laga-handbags.com www.lucuma.com www.ethnicsupplies.co.uk/

First Step

Today I finally decided to start a blog. I have always thought blogs were a bit risky; having people who don't know you reading about your personal thoughts, was somewhat discomforting to me. Also I believed that people who had blogs were attention-seeking individuals, but I have now come to believe that blogging can be a rewarding experience for many. Being able to open up about certain things without hesitation can be liberating. I can convey my thoughts without interruption, and then invite others to understand a little about who I really am. Maybe I might even move someone with my words maybe they are going through a similar experience, but do not feel like anyone understands what they are going through, and therefore can find comfort in my words. Actually blogging is something that I should have been interested in earlier, considering I have liked reading and writing since the second grade; poetry, prose, and journal keeping etc. I am by no means am I a professional, I write for my own self-expression. However, that is not the only reason I have decided to start blogging...I have come to a point of self realization in my life where I am no longer a teenager, but I have not yet reached middle age either; by all accounts I am still young; even still I understand that my time on this earth is short. Life rushes by and one day you look back and sometimes you have regrets. For me I wake up each day and know that I am getting older and not younger and although I am still in my twenties there are many things that I thought I would have accomplished by now. I feel like I am in the same state that I have always been. I think by blogging this will keep me motivated to move forward; having a visual archived account of my progress and my goals hopefully will force me to stay on track. The name of my blog is My Journey. Originally I wanted to name my blog Rags to Riches because part of my focus right now is to gain more financial freedom for myself but most importantly to benefit my family and those who need more help than me. As fate would have it that name was already taken and after thinking about it, it doesn't actually embody what I am trying to relay anyway. I do not have any desire to be as rich as Oprah or Bill Gates, I would just like to be debt free, be able to afford my own home, be able to help others to help themselves, not wonder how I will be able to afford basic necessities. If I ever became as rich as someone like Bill Gates I pray that I would have the strength and fortitude to act responsibly; not let the money control me; give freely to those in serious need, and not become too extravagant. It is more important to me to have a comfortable living but not too over-the-top, after all I can not take all my worldly luxuries with me when I am gone. I think when you are poor you feel like you are suffocating especially when you have others to think about like your family. You have to settle for mediocre low-paying jobs with a boss who may treat you with disrespect, just so you can put some food on the table and for some you may be drowning in uncontrolled debt. It is a very paralyzing situation to be in, and you feel like you have to settle for choices that just barely keep you afloat, but never let you progress and build a nest egg. However I do not believe that money brings instant and assured happiness. Happiness cannot be brought, if you are not living your life in a good way no matter how much money you have you will not be truly happy. On the other hand I do not believe that money is completely evil either. The world that we live in right now requires money, and if you can have just enough of it to keep you from being stressed about the necessities that you can not manage to afford, then that is fine in my book too.... So to summarize this blog will try to tell a little about my personal journey. It is not flashy or racy; just simple. I will try to give posts about my successes and my failures as I work towards having financial freedom. I also will sprinkle in other miscellaneous things here and there, as it a journal. I cannot promise to post here everyday as my life is not spent on the computer, but I will try to maintain it often enough. I will try in the next few posts to give a little bit more info regarding my background. I do not expect this blog to be popular and reach millions or anything like that. It is not for everyone; some may not like it or relate to it but that is fine with me, as long as one person can enjoy or benefit from it. Hopefully it will also serve as a bit of a chronicle of a time in my life that someday if I have children, they will be able to know some of the things I went through or experienced; somewhat of a history if you will---My Story