The Journey Back

Death...we all say we know it will come to us one day and yet when it does very few of us are ever prepared. In the past 3 weeks I have lost three family members. Two in the same week and and one about a week and a half after that; various ages, from elderly to middle age to young. As my cousin stood there watching as his grandmother (my aunt) was being buried, I doubt that he had any idea that he too would, only a week and a half a later, be in the same position as her. Death can be somewhat of an oxymoron, as it sheds light on life. What are you doing? How are you living the life you have? With honour, dignity, respect, love, kindness, obedience to Divine guidance? In your absence would you be remembered fondly or missed? Are you living with regret for things that should have not been done or said; or things that should have been done or said? Are you laying the foundation for leaving behind a legacy that would bring continuous goodness for others? Death brings heartache and yet some benefits. It is a time for remembrance and reflection on life....

A Rainbow Family

This is such a beautiful story .....For those mothers out there with daughters, how many of you would enjoy it if their husband did this chore for them? ;)

Reflecting

I was reflecting on something this morning, and that is that money is usually at the root of evil. This is not to say that money is bad or that people who have it are all evil, but just that many people do not know how to handle wealth, or cannot handle being without it. For example alot of people are willing to go to great and sometimes harmful lengths to get it. People kill family and strangers for money, they steal for it, lie for it etc. When I stop to think about how many marriages fail due to problems with finances and how many families argue about money on a weekly, if not daily basis, it astonishes me. Then I think about the comparison of people who live in poor countries and how for the greater majority of those families, the lack of money brings them closer together. So it makes me realize 2 things; 1 you have to be more at peace with what you have, especially when what you have allows you to have your basic needs. You have to realize that alot of what you are trying to achieve should not make you sacrifice your integrity, and that most of what we are working towards is well over what we need to survive. Of course I do not have anything against someone working hard and as a result that person becomes wealthy; just that if you are killing yourself and angry all the time due to the pursuit of wealth, then you need to evaluate if you priorities are really in order. You see, many people in this society are in debt due to overindulgence. Many times you will hear of people owning expensive cars and other toys, but yet their rent or mortgage is months overdue. I remember once watching an episode of Oprah and there was a couple on the show and between the two of them, they earned over one hundred thousand dollars annually, they both were paying on really expensive cars, but yet they had their stuff for the baby's nursery on lay-a-way, because they were in so much debt they could not afford to pay for it flat out! This is a serious problem...The second thing that I realized is that when you are blessed with wealth, you have to remember where you came from, and how you got to where you are today; when you do this, you are more likely to benefit others and the more you benefit others as well as yourself, the more fulfilling your life will be. The lesson is: be in control of wealth, don't let wealth control you.

Ok he can be stupid some times too

A few days ago I decided to go and visit the family in NC and also to see a couple of friends and my "special friend." It was a great time. I love the new house and I had a fun time catching up and eating. The highlight of my trip was L.D's blunder. I am quite sure most of you are familiar with Wal-Mart and their Rollback signs on items that they stack out in the main aisles for display and impulse purchases, well apparently L.D. is not so familiar with the rollback signs. As my mom and I were strolling the aisles we stopped to think about what we wanted next and L.D. says, "Wow they have these sugar free now?" (referring to the single kool-aid type packets that you can add to a water bottle) My mother goes, "yeah they do." Then she asks L.D., "what brand is that?" L.D. responds without any hesitation, and much confidence, "Rollback." LOL; I lost it! He was thinking that the sign above the stack out referred to the product advertised. It took my mom a minute and some clarification from me to realize his blunder! Then she had to laugh too. He eventually realized the absurdity of his statement once I told him that the sign did not refer to the product name lol! I vowed to never let him live that moment down.....that's why I am blogging about it now! Thank you sweety for the laugh!

mobility is a wonderful thing

Wow this is my first time mobile blogging, and i will must say i can see how this can come in handy and maybe even become a little more addictive lol. Luckily for me that wont happen at least not right now because this is my sister's new toy, and I am just testing its capabilities. I am still involved in making some big decisions including a really big important event coming up that i will disclose later, until then the journey continues...

Makin up (my mind) is hard to do

Wow! my peeps are finally leaving the area for the big relocate. It will be the first time in my life that I have not lived in the same city and state as them. It is bittersweet. It affected me alot more than I realized it would. I do have to make the decision as to whether I plan to temporarily relocate where they are, at the end of this month. I say temporarily because I a planning a more permanent move in the next 3 months GOD-willing, that will put me further away from them, so I am considering spending my last few days with them. I just have so much to consider such as tying up loose ends here mostly financial and I have a few people I need to see and who want to see me before I leave, also I would like to be in a different work environment when I make my big move, and that is also something that is causing a little confusion as the company I am looking to get into is hiring here but they do have other offices across the country just not hiring for the same position I am eligible for... I don't know what the future holds for me in these next coming months. Hopefully things will work out.

Relocating-to the land of humiliation

Yes I am bad I have not been blogging since last month :O... I have a few good reasons. 1. the whole limited access computer thin, with the library and the limitations etc.; yeah no need to divulge all the boring details. 2. I am in the process of moving and possibly relocating. Between Tuesday through Wednesday afternoon I did not sleep I was awake for over 24 hours, and boy did I feel it last night when I went to work! I was literally falling asleep on the job. You know that sleepy where you are so tired, but for whatever reason you are obligated to stay awake? I really was almost moved to tears because I was sooo tired. As soon as our 1 hour break came, I went and found a place to sleep and felt much more refreshed when I returned to work after an hour. The packing portion and vacating the old house is actually complete, but my family is up in the air as to whether or not they are moving out of state. Well actually they are more inclined to moving out of state than staying here. So it is pretty much decided that they will move out of state, but the problem is they have not officially gotten the place of their choice right now, so they are camping out at my brother's and sister-in-law's place for two days then onto NC they will go. I am in a dilemma as I am pretty much set in the idea of relocating before the beginning of next year, but not necessarily to NC. So I am staying at the bro.'s house for at least another two weeks. The way I see it if I follow them it will only be temporary as I plan on possibly going elsewhere, but at the same time I am fed up with this area and Wally World and if the family are not here, there really is nothing that keeps this place interesting for me.However I do not want to transfer to the NC Wally World location even though that is a guaranteed job. So I don't know if I should stay here and work until later this year or go there for a few months and be where my family is as well as friends and a better environment for me? The number 3 reason I have not been blogging is because my time has been occupied with someone very interesting :) for a little while now. Someone who is really wonderful for me, and I never would have imagined running across. A couple of days ago we were exchanging text messages, while I was suppose to be at work (oopps! don't snitch) and I was waiting a little while after sending a text message and receiving no response, so I inquired as to whether or not B.B. got the text and B.B. replied, "What text?" Well I assumed something was wrong with the phone and I tried texting it on my other phone; still nothing. This proved to be a bad decision because both B.B. and I have 2 mobile phones one is for everyday use and the other is for emergencies and out of town usage--prepaid thing. Anyway I was trying to send the text to B.B.'s secondary phone from my secondary phone, but what I did not realize was that when copying B.B.'s secondary number to my other phone I transposed the numbers lol! So what was happening was I was sending text messages to someone else! I only found this out because later that week as I was talking to B.B. on my main line, my other phone started ringing, and I told B.B., "hold on a sec." I looked at the caller ID on the phone and saw his other number (or rather what I copied incorrectly in the other phone) and I asked him jokingly, " why are you playing and calling me from your other phone while I am already talking to you?" So he was like, "huh?" I answered the phone and it was another man. He proceeded to tell me that he had been receiving messages from my phone and he did not know who they were from lol. To make matters worse his wife was asking him who was sending him text messages at 2 o'clock in the morning lol! Oh the horror! I felt so bad and embarrassed! Thanks to my blunder I nearly caused a divorce! It was later when I compared the numbers in both phones and asked B.B. to repeat the second number he gave me that I realized that when putting the number in the secondary phone I had transposed some of the numbers lol. What an idiot! Anyway B.B.'s arrival in my life was unexpected, but so cool. Thanks B.B.! I will eventually divulge some more details later....well maybe lol. So I have not had much time to blog really, but things are beginning to change for me and yet at the same time things are unchanged in many ways...but hey that's life!

My sister is a nut

The other day when I went to the library I borrowed my dad's van (my car is out of commission for the next few days), and as I was parking my two baby sisters suggested that I use the handicap spot, because my dad has a disabled parking decal (due to his cancer). I laughed and told them no of course, and that would not be right and I could get caught, but they reminded me of a story about my other younger sister who would take my dad to his appointments sometimes and she would use her car, so she had the decal. This was fine when he was with her but she also used it when he wasn't lol. I would always tell her," you are sooo wrong; (ha ha) you're going to get caught!" One day we went roller skating and she decided to use the decal again! I asked her, "Ok how are you going to pull this one off?" " You are suppose to be handicap, but you are going skating lol!" She said," watch this." She gets out her car and starts limping on one foot, actually it was more of half limp half stroll. She looked like a gimp pimp lol. I started cracking up and then I ran ahead of her because it was embarrassing and I didn't want to be around when the cops gave her a ticket for stupidity lol.

Thank You

I have been thinking (there's a first) about the people I have met in my life lately. I have heard on more than one occasion how you can learn something new from everyone you meet, in fact I can even recall a famous quote saying that you should cherish every chance encounter, because each is an opportunity to gain new knowledge....or something to that effect. Anyway it got me thinking that I need to start looking at this and really acting upon it. When I think about it even people that I have had bad relationships or encounters with, it did give me the chance to understand or experience something new (once my anger subsided of course). So to all my friends and enemies I say thank you for giving me the chance to experience the variety in life. I am especially grateful to a few select people, such as my best friends (especially F)--- thank you for allowing me to understand that I don't have to change to find that special loyal friend who will accept me and all my goofy, boring, bizarre, and not so so bizarre moments. To the first guy I ever considered spending my life with, although it did not work out I still say thank you. Before you I had trust issues about men and I had a hard time imagining that I would be able to feel that way, but you changed that. Now I am more open and receptive and appreciative of the opportunity to be with someone who is willing to stand by my side and build a future together and although I have not found him yet, I know that the possibility is there. Thank you. To my third grade teacher Mrs. Patricia Baugh from Camp Allen Elementary---Thank You. You were so instrumental in harnessing my creativity and passion. You made me realize that certain things were possible and acheivable, and you were the only one perceptive enough to notice that I was a blind little bat who desperately needed glasses lol. You were a wonderful teacher and I only hope you can read this and know how much I appreciate the impact you made on me. Lastly to my group of aquaintances those who I know in real life and those who I know thru the net, you are such a group of diverse individuals from different backgrounds and I thank you for allowing me to know a little bit about the many different people who make up this world. Whether we agree or disagree you allow me the chance to expand my knowledge of the world... There is no need to express here my graitude for the lessons and support I have recieved from my family especially my mother (who I have inherited alot of my traits from) because words are not nearly enough. Of course I am aware that anything I have learned and received is a blessing from our exalted creator so I strive to always remember him and remain humble about any knowledge I have gained.

A Much Needed Break

Wow I had a good time on my trip! I was so happy to take some time off and visit one of my best friends in NC even if it was only three hours from here. I arrived Friday evening with two of my sisters, and we arrived back home Tuesday at midnight. I love the way my friend introduces me to people, she always says so excitedly "this is my friend W." "I've known her since I was 2!" lol It's so cool how that means alot to her and that she really values our friendship. Really we are all just extended family. We had a good time, and although there was alot I did not get to do (just an excuse to go back in a month!), I did have fun. The area that she lives in is really beautiful, there was lavender growing all along the roadside it was so beautiful and well kept. I wanted to take pictures, but I was so busy doing other things, that I neglected to do so. Some of the highlights of my trip were our visit to the icecream shop where I had a scoop of blueberry icecream and a scoop of swiss chocolate icecream, I know this may not seem like such a big deal, but I have never been any more adventurous than trying rocky road icecream, so honey flavored, peach flavored, rasberry flavored and blueberry flavored icecream was really a treat! The other highlight of trip was our visit to the roller skating rink. It is always fun to act carefree like a kid every once in a while. These were some of the small things, but they meant the most. The only downfall of my trip was the difference in the altitude, because of it I felt unusually sleepy earlier than usual and could not stay up past that point. I even went to the movies, and the moment the lights went out to start the movie, I layed my head down and fell to sleep and did not wake up until the last 10 minutes of the movie lol and it was a comedy (lots of laughter in the theater)! But overall I just enjoyed being able to visit her and having time off from Wally World. Unfortunately when I got back to Wally World my first night was horrible :( But such is the plight of a Wally World worker drone.....

There are many uncertainties in life...so how do you cope?

It's funny how over the past year I have become more resolved to really accepting the uncertainties and changes in life. By that I mean I am able to understand that when something good or bad happens, it does not necessarily guarantee anything; especially with the bad things. Before I was always wondering why negative things (or rather what I interpreted as negative things) had to happen to me. I think this partly was an effect of my being a creative minded person. Where is the correlation you ask? Well my creativity leads my mind to wonder, interpret, and analyze so many things. I hardly ever see something as just concrete, I usually find the abstract in everything. This does not make me the most artistic and creative person, I actually know much more creative people whose talent I admire immensely, on the contrary this way of thinking can and has lead me to trouble sometimes. I use to be able to sit by myself for hours wondering about everything around me, which would lead me to analyze things in my life especially the negative things. This can be a good thing if you use that to propel you to do better and try and change the negativity, but it can be seriously harmful if you just spend too much time dwelling on it and becoming depressed about it. I use to have a habit of doing the latter too often lol. But just recently over the past year or two I have learned how to understand and accept that life is uncertain; it is an exam that you will not finish until the bell rings and you exit this life. Everyday you are presented with tests and challenges, and also opportunities to overcome and do something good that will benefit you and others. It is not an easy test; even the most brilliant people are stumped along the way, but you still must perservere and keep trying until it is over. At least that is better than letting it defeat you. Trying to remember and strengthen my faith and the stories and examples I was given growing up, in addition to the things I see everyday, helped me to arrive at this point. I realize and accept much more that there are always going to be those moments where I hit a bump, but I will try to keep going and learn and even appreciate those moments as life's little uncertainties and lessons that help to shape me into who I am and aspire to be....Well the reason I am writing about my new outlook, is because today is my Dad's first day of chemotherapy treatment. In the past I probably would have been really down and panicked about it, but now I am actually in a state of calm acceptance. This is a test that we have to get through right now, and being negative about it is not going to help nor change the situation. The Almighty-willing we will get through it for better or worse and hopefully learn something along the way---

My Peepz

As I have said from the beginning of starting this blog that one of my intentions behind wanting to have my own business and be successful, was because of my family---the people I grew up with and have went through the good and the bad with. I come from a big family I have 8 siblings. 3 brothers, and 5 sisters (we girls have always ruled). We have our moments when we get on each others nerves, but we are pretty close and are there when it matters. But I think that big families have a different type of close bonded relationship than smaller families, not that they love more, but the structure is different, and there is definitely a hierarchy system amongst the siblings. I am the third oldest; we range from the oldest at 30 to the youngest at 14. We did not have alot of material things growing up, but I still don't feel like I was deprived of any important worldly possessions, because when you don't have much as a child, but you have alot of siblings, you can be very creative and still have lots of fun. I especially enjoyed always having someone to blame when something went wrong lol Oh! the mind games we played on my younger siblings when they were little kids lol innocent of course nothing traumatizing. The siblings have always been divided into 3 sets, there is me and my older brother and older sister, and we were always known as the "3 older ones" then we have the next group of 4 (of which 2 are twins) which we originally use to refer to as "the babies" until the last 2 came and they became the "4 little ones" and then the last 2 which we referred to as "the babies" I know some other big families, and they say that they too have some sort of system, and most big families I know are very close-knit. It has been very rare for me to find a big family that is not close. Although my siblings can drive me insane most of the time, I wouldn't let anyone hurt any of them and I love them warts and all.....

Tornado Watch

I am experiencing a whirlwind of emotions right now, boring stuff, but I will post it anyway as I am taking advantage of these few rare moments when I can blog.

1. I have just been blessed with another nephew, my bro and my sister-in-law have just had a little boy yesterday, to add to the little girl they already have.(This adds to the 2 nephews and 2 neices that I have thru my older sis) He is so adorable, he wighed 6lbs 10oz, but my sister-in-law said he was a more difficult delivery then my niece (that does not surprise me as my younger brother has always been a real pain lol like father like son). So I am happy about that.
2. I also am happy because I have actually made real progress with my bag(s) construction last night, I can see some light at the end of the tunnel, if only I can keep myself on track and not divert from my current direction, I will be that much closer to my giveaway contest and actually displaying them on the websitethatIneedtofinishbutcan'tbecauseIhavelimitedaccesstotheInternet.
3. Now for my frustration: work as usual is the main source; too much drama there, and I am having to try and pick up an extra day or two, because I am going through a financial crisis (what else is new) and have one day left before my license will be officially suspended for not having any insurance on my car :( because I can't afford the freakin payment right now arrrggghhh! The worst thing about working a crappy job is when you try and get those extra hours (not overtime mind you, the company shuns this, and will threaten termination if you do incur the O.T.) you end up killing yourself and when you get the paycheck you see maybe an extra 10 to 15 dollars after taxes! So those are the main culprits for my anguish right now, but I will try and drudge through as usual and keep the hope that I eventually things will get better. Once you've reached rock bottom, you can either stay there, or claw your way back up.

Lines Overheard......My Journey

I went to the sun...and I survived.

Things That Make Me Cry

I thought I would eventually write about some of the things that make me cry sad tears, since I have already written about some of the things that would make me cry tears of happiness(*see "decisions decisions and acting upon those decisions") I just did not think It would be today. Today I was once again struck with one of the number one things that make me cry: a child suffering. I had a horrible scare this morning. My 4 year old nephew awoke complaining and crying tears of agony that his abdomen was hurting. But it was not your normal "Mommy I have a tummy ache" complaints either. He was in severe pain and could not even sit still. Every ten seconds he would wince and cry. It was at that moment my mum decided to take him to the emergency room. She hoped that they would see him as she was not his legal guardian, but my sister (his mother) had left to go to work 2 hours before that. But we knew something could be terribly wrong. He was saying things like, "Here it comes again, I need to see a doctor!" and "My stomach is full;I can't breathe!" Hearing that come from a little 4 yr old, was astonishing and scary. My mum asked me if I could quickly wash him and put his clothing on. As I was doing this he cried out again "I can't take this anymore!" At that point the composure I was trying to maintain caved in I had to turn him over to my other sister and I ran away crying. I did not want him to see me and feel even more uncomfortable and scared. I couldn't stand to see him go through that, when he is so small and seemingly helpless. I could have stayed buried in m room crying, but I knew I had to pull it together, because I had to drive my mum to the emergency room. Thank GOD my car had not completely turned off yet. When I dropped off my mum and my nephew at the emergency room, I had to immediately drive to another neighboring city to pick my sister up from work so that she could go to the hospital. It took about 50 mins to get from the hospital to her job, so I had relaxed a little but as I pulled up to the curb and saw her waiting, I almost lost my composure again. I just started thinking about what could be wrong, and if it was something serious, how she would be really upset. But I held it together. Once I drove her back to the hospital, I had to leave because there was a strong chance that my car could turn off at any given moment. Another one of my sisters came to stay with them until they were ready to leave, while I went home. I was very relieved when they returned and said that the doctors gave him an enema, and said it was nothing serious; Alhumdullilah (All praise is due to GOD). He is resting he is still very uncomfortable because of the enema, but nothing like what he went through earlier. I can't even watch the TV infomercials about starving, sick, homeless children abroad without weeping; it literally stabs at my heart to see a little child experiencing pain and sadness that deep. That truly makes me cry......My Journey

It's all relative really

I received an email from my cousin the other day; in it she was trying to convince/encourage me to press forward and do the things that could turn me from worker bee to employer or at the very least successful employee. I told her I was not quite decided about the financial advisor thing and she asked me what was I working on right now, that I could not give the program a try. I told her I was trying to work on my handbags (even Vera Bradley* started small), so she emailed me back and told me to get started and she wanted to buy one so that she could help promote them and give me feedback. I was actually going to give away a few of them to some family and friends so that I could get word of mouth advertising. My cousin thinks she is being persistent, and she is right she is. I am glad for that, because I actually have someone to encourage me to do better and finally pursue my goals, because sometimes I get mentally setback and discouraged when I think about everything I need to do and how I will pay my bills etc. Growing up I never really had any direct first cousins who I grew up with. My cousins were second and third cousins; my mothers cousins and their kids. I was raised around my mother's sister (my aunt Deborah- didn't have kids) who she spent most of her life growing up with. I always knew however that on my Mother's side I had two more aunts; one on her Mother's side and one on her Father's side. My Mom's Mother died when she was still a kid and her other sister by her Mother (My Aunt Janice) stayed with their Mother's relatives, while my Mom and my Aunt Deborah lived with their Father. When they became adults my Mother and my Aunt Deborah did not keep in good contact with my Aunt Janice and my Aunt Darnelia, not because they had bad relationships or anything, but because unfortunately sometimes when relatives move away they are bad at keeping up with other relatives once they start their own families. So I never really had contact with any first cousins. A few years ago my cousin through my Aunt Janice, got in contact with my Aunt Deborah and we have been able to meet each other after all these years. She is a really sweet person and loves her relatives. It would have been nice to have grown up with her. Now she is trying to persuade and encourage me-that's cool. I think I do need to get back on track because I have put the production process off to the side for the past week and I really do need to get back on track...Press forward, keep moving, race towards the finish line! *Note: Vera Bradley handbag designer-signature style= quilted handbags of paisley and floral persuasion