Bringing new meaning to the term I gave my blood, sweat and tears...

I have been meaning to write about this for a few days, but I was reminded again by a conversation I had with my co-worker last night. I am not the only person who has it rough financially, nor am I the only one whose love for their family, drives them to do things that maybe they would rather not... My coworker that works in my department at Wally World aka W.M. loves to tell me stories about her granddaughters whom she loves very much. Every night it is "my granddaughters this and my granddaughters that." I think it is wonderful that she loves her granddaughters so much. She has told me numerous times how if it wasn't for the love that she had for her granddaughters she would be living a different life. You see, she is currently living with her daughter who is about my age, and is supporting her daughter (who is a single parent) and her two granddaughters. Everything she does centers around them and she does not have much time to herself. She does not like working at Wally World, but she has been there for about 5 years and if she were to start over again at another retail store she would be making a few dollars less, and she is barely making ends meet now. I was stunned to find out that she has been literally not just giving her sweat and tears for her family, but her blood as well... We were talking about another co-worker the other night, and she mentioned that she saw her at the blood bank. I lightheartedly asked my coworker what she was doing at the blood bank, and she replied, " I was giving blood to get a little money, so that I could get the girls some pampers and things." I was shocked and I got a little misty-eyed. I think it is horrible that some people struggle and struggle to make ends meet and it is never enough. Rather than just being able to give blood for the benefit of just helping to save someone else's life, some people may have to give blood in order to keep on living their own humble lives. She confides in me often about her hopes and disappointments in her life and her daughter's life. I have met her daughter a couple of times, and I think that her daughter deep down really loves her mother and is disappointed in herself, but I think she is the type of person, that needs an outside support system to help her realize, that is not too late; that she can still do something with her life. Sometimes people get depressed about their life and for a long time they feel pinned down and cannot move. I think that is what her daughter is experiencing right now. Some nights she cries and says to me, " I wish my daughter could be more like you." I try to tell her that I am not much to be glorified because I am not in school right now and I have not been able to achieve my goals yet, and that her daughter GOD-willing, will arrive at a better place someday soon. She says to me, " But you have your priorities in order and you have your head on straight." She tells me I have an old soul...I am not sure if I can grasp that. But I think she understands that if things had worked out the way I thought they would, I would have finished school by now. I want to get better; I want to pay back my parents (whom I am still staying with) for what they have done for me. In some people's eyes it is not enough, but in my eyes, it is all they could give, and money is not the most important thing to supply a child with. My mother went to school on and off for years while taking breaks to raise her kids, and when she finally graduated a few years ago at about age 43 with her two associate degrees, it was the most proudest day of my life. I felt so proud of my mom. Even my brothers were getting teary-eyed, one of my brother's screamed, "mom!" so loud when the MC called her name to get her diplomas. The guy sitting next to us looked at him, and my brother said, "That's my mom right there!" She may not know how much her kids love her and how proud we are of her, but we do, and we are very proud for what she has done, even if it is not much in her eyes. Hopefully one day when I have invited her to read this blog-journal she will understand the respect and love that I have for her even if I don't show it enough. Mum I love you and someday I hope to make you proud and I will attempt to repay your kindness and love you have given over the years. Thank you for enduring me in your womb and giving birth to me. I say thank you and give praise to the Most High for creating you, and thank you to your mother for having you; I LOVE YOU....

Potential not realized

"I write for me, and not for you." If that were true, then why do I care what other poets do? Why do I compare and stare at words that will never be mine? Why do I feel unsastified wth my work time after time? Is it ok to measure my efforts by the acheivements of others, when their work ignites the soul of true poetry lovers? Can I not be more subtle with my words, and not write so bold? Will I ever aquire this skill before it is too late and I too old? Questions that I may never have answers for; then I resolve to ask them no more.

Movement

Aside from going to work at Wally World, I have been making patterns for some of my designs for the past few days. It has been tiresome work, but I hope the end result will be good. I haven't auctioned anything new at Ebay because of that. I hope to be ready to start listing my new things in the next few days. Wally World---The thing that I hate most about retail work is having to put up with rude people. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should be put on trial and sentenced to at least 25 years. Some people take this phrase and use it as an excuse to be evil towards other people. The other night I had a lady who tried to report me to the manager because I did not give her a shopping cart. As you may know, Wally World aka Wal-Mart has some stores that are opened 24 hours, so even though we have to stock the store overnight, we still have some sleepwalkers who love to shop at 2am in the morning. This can be a bit of a distraction when you have management on your back to do the impossible and do ten jobs instead of the one you were hired for. Anyway getting back to cart lady; I went to retrieve some carts to load boxes in and bought them back to my department as I was unloading boxes from off my pallet, I hear the sound of a cart moving, I turned around to find a lady attempting to take the freight that I had placed in the cart out of the cart (she was going to put the freight on the floor apparently). I politely said to her, "Mam I am using these carts." She responded snappy, "All of them?" I said, "yes mam." She walked away and a few minutes later my manager comes to me and says, " I had a lady come to me and complain that you took her cart from her." I couldn't believe it, I almost fell on the floor laughing. I thought to myself this lady was so petty and probably more embarrassed that I caught her taking the freight out, that she wanted to try to get me in trouble. I explained to my manager what happened, and he said, " I figured it was probably something like that." He was not upset with me because I have a reputation for being a pretty polite person, so he assumed that more than likely I had not done anything wrong. Furthermore, the cart coral was two steps away from my department and the lady walked past it about 3 times and did not get a cart, she was too busy trying to see if I was going to be reprimanded; I guess she did not want a cart that bad. When I worked at the fabric store I had a really unreasonable customer like that too. She liked to buy fabrics that had lighthouse motifs on it. One day she came in and one of the sales clerks waited on her, the sales clerk came to me later almost in tears and asked me if I could help the lady. I went to the customer (who I had dealt with before in the past) and told her I was the assistant manager and how could I help her. She told me, " Show me your lighthouse fabrics!" I showed her all the stock we had, and she said "so you did not order any new ones?" I said, "no mam, and we probably will not be, due to it being out of season, but if you would like we can possibly special order it for you really need it." She asked me real hastily, " why should I have to special order it?!" Then she threatened me with, " I guess I will just have to send a letter to corporate office then!" I looked at her without flinching, and asked, " Do you need anything else mam? After she answered in the negative, I went back to helping other customers. This lady had threatened my boss with that same statement before to get discounts and to use more than one coupon when it wasn't allowed. My boss gave in a couple of times and even ordered fabrics from special vendors outside of our regular stock without her putting any money down or paying for shipping, only to have the women come back in and buy maybe a half of a yard from a 15yd bolt, and use a 40% off coupon, so we did not really make a profit and we were stuck with bolts of fabric that not many people wanted to buy. My boss stopped accommodating the woman's rants after those couple of times. Don't get me wrong, I would always go out of my way to get things that my customers wanted, even going so far as giving customers things from my own fabric stash)more so than any other person in the store, including my boss, but my customers knew the procedure that we try to get a swatch card for them to view first, but when it came to ordering something that is not a regular selling item, it had to be paid for upfront or when we made an exception, half down and they had to pay for the shipping, because those specialty items did not come on our company truck and would come by UPS. Most normal customers were ok with this, they were just so happy to be able to get that rare item that no other fabric store in the area had or would try to order for them. You have some people who go into a store and think they are GOD or something because they are a customer...well I am customer too whenever I go to spend my money somewhere and I expect to be treated well; not because I believe as the customer I am always right, but because I expect the sales associate to treat me the way they want to be treated; with dignity, kindness and respect...

Clarification

Just thought I might give a little clarity on a previous post (How did I get to this point?). I gave a little info on my school background not to state how bright I was, because in no way am I claiming to be a genius, but rather because to the simple eye it seemed that initially I was destined to be a successful doctor or lawyer when I was younger. It's funny how you take things for granted thinking you have it all figured out, but most often in life you will go through many tests and challenges, sometimes taking many different roads. In the end you may end up where you want to be but sometimes you walk the path you need to be on and not the one you thought you would be on. I am not saying that you can't have dreams and goals, you may just achieve them in ways differently than how you expected. I believe that the Most High, our all-knowing Creator does not give us burdens that we cannot handle, and although I have always been taught that, it took a little more growing up for me to finally understand it. When I was younger whenever something did not go my way, I would get really upset or depressed about it, but recently in the last few years I try to approach set-backs differently. I try to understand how I can learn from the situation; how does it make me stronger? I also try to remember those who have less than what I have, and I try to remind myself that after hardship, will eventually come ease...

My name is....and I'm an ebayaholic

I made another sale on Ebay yesterday! I actually starting using my ebay account a few weeks ago and after 2 successful auctions I am hooked. I had my ebay account for a while but I never sold anything, mostly because I could never afford a decent digital camera, and most auctions without pictures do not do too well. So a little while back I made a sacrifice and brought a digital camera. I have a particular thing in mind that I want to sell, but in the mean time I decided to get rid of somethings that I already had. I sold one of my collections of a Japanese comic book series, and I wanted at minimum USD$30.00. When the auction was over I made over two and a half times that amount. Then next I sold another series, and I was able to get my asking price on that series. Most people become hooked on the bidding and buying aspects of the auction, I am hooked on selling. It's the thrill of writing a winning synopsis of your product and watching as the bidding is slow and then at the last minute the competiton gets fierce and people are trying to beat the clock and their opponent and get the winning bid in at the last minute. Afterwards I get to find out how much I've made :) While I haven't made thousands yet, I am going to try and continue to sell. I may not become the next big eBay star, but maybe I can make a little spare change along the way just another avenue to take during my journey.....

How did I get to this point?

Just finished another fun-filled overnight shift at my temporary dead-end job at Wally World where we were even more overworked then usual, and as I came home exhausted I couldn't help but ponder HOW DID I END UP HERE??? During my childhood people always thought I would become very successful. In grade school I was valedictorian and was voted most likely to succeed. I had the opportunity to go to gifted after school programs and was even invited to attend a gifted junior high. Circumstances however, landed me a brief stint in a private little charter junior high that some people that my parents knew were running. After that it was decided that I would be home schooled (this was before homeschooling had gained any real popularity) for the remainder of my time. My homeschooling life was not as structured as it should have been, although now I must say many parents who choose to home school now, are much more diligent about it now then back then. After a while I decided that I wanted to start my college life early and I begged my mom to let me get special permission to get a waiver from the school board to take the G.E.D. test a year early so that I could start college later that fall. Everything went as planned I passed the test, and was enrolled in a community college. I also started a job at the campus library and everything seemed to be working out. One day I decided though that I could not live with the 200 dollar a month stipend that my work-study job was providing and I decided to look for another job. I found one working at a fabric shop, which was ok with me because I loved sewing and design. I found however that the more I worked the less eligible I became for financial aid, until one day I was no longer eligible for Pell Grants! I couldn't believe it the government thought I was making too much money with my mere $6.00 an hour. My only choice now was solely loans, and because I had taken out a couple of student loans earlier, I decided I did not want any further debt. This was over the course of a few years where I changed majors and schools and had accumulated some other debt. Now I was stuck, and I made the decision to sit out of school until I could afford to save up and go back. Only problem was that job that I had started back when I was a freshman and had been loyal to for many years, was still paying me horribly. I had some bosses who blocked me from being promoted, one boss didn't like me personally, but knew I was an excellent worker, so she had no reason to fire me. The next boss knew I was a good worker and when another manager from a sister store offered to promote me to his management team, my boss told him that I was not interested because I was in school. I was not suppose to hear this conversation, however I was not sure if I had actually heard right so I never confronted her about it; I found out the truth from the other manager later as he was leaving the company. I was upset for awhile. Eventually though I worked my way up to Assistant Manager at my store. I was my bosses right-hand. But I was very unhappy because the pay was still bad and we were so overworked and underpaid, I still could not afford to go back to school, I wasn't doing what I wanted to do, and I felt like my job was not making a significant impact on others. I felt as though not only did it not benefit me, but I was not in a position to help anyone else. I eventually started working 2 jobs; one full-time, one part-time and I still had trouble making ends meet. Then I started working at Wally World fulltime overnight and was working fulltime during the day as Assistant Manager at my other job. Still was not enough to cover bills and things, I thought to myself this is ridiculous! I applied at the USPS and after a couple of months was hired as a casual worker. I was making the most money (still not a fortune or anything) that I had been making in my life. I was a carrier and it was hard work, also I was still working overnights at Wally World because I wanted to have something to fall back on in case things did not work out at the Post Office (and they did not), in addition I had quit my day job and my boss was not too happy about that. The Post Office lasted for a couple of months, but just like any place politics are always involved. I was sent to another station because another carrier at another station had personal issues with her immediate supervisor, so they decided to switch us around;good for her; bad for me. It was considered the slum station in the area, it was out of distance for me, and the supervisor there was a little more hardcore. It was then that I decided that I could not keep being a doormat for employers. I never had time to myself; working two full-time jobs and I was not still getting ahead financially. I decided to leave the USPS. I must state though that I was a casual worker though, and not what they refer to as a career employee, so basically we were doing the same work for less starting pay and no benefits, so it had its drawbacks. However everyone thought I was crazy for leaving. I just think that now I have to take a stand and make sacrifices now so that I might have a chance of getting ahead. Once I attended a business seminar a friend had invited me to, and the speaker said something that I cannot forget, he asked, "why are you working to make someone else dreams come true, why aren't you working to make your dreams come true? When you are working for someone else you are working hard to make more money for them and make their dreams come true." Of course he was trying to sell the product but even still it was a very profound comment. I thought how obvious but yet I never paid attention to that fact. There are some companies that compensate their employees well for making them money and some people are actually happy with working for someone else, but the companies I have dealt with so far have not compensated me well. That is why I am trying to think of and do everything possible to earn legitimate lawful income for myself that can give me financial freedom...., *This was another long post future posts will hopefully be shorter and sweet. This was just to provide a little background info.

First Step

Today I finally decided to start a blog. I have always thought blogs were a bit risky; having people who don't know you reading about your personal thoughts, was somewhat discomforting to me. Also I believed that people who had blogs were attention-seeking individuals, but I have now come to believe that blogging can be a rewarding experience for many. Being able to open up about certain things without hesitation can be liberating. I can convey my thoughts without interruption, and then invite others to understand a little about who I really am. Maybe I might even move someone with my words maybe they are going through a similar experience, but do not feel like anyone understands what they are going through, and therefore can find comfort in my words. Actually blogging is something that I should have been interested in earlier, considering I have liked reading and writing since the second grade; poetry, prose, and journal keeping etc. I am by no means am I a professional, I write for my own self-expression. However, that is not the only reason I have decided to start blogging...I have come to a point of self realization in my life where I am no longer a teenager, but I have not yet reached middle age either; by all accounts I am still young; even still I understand that my time on this earth is short. Life rushes by and one day you look back and sometimes you have regrets. For me I wake up each day and know that I am getting older and not younger and although I am still in my twenties there are many things that I thought I would have accomplished by now. I feel like I am in the same state that I have always been. I think by blogging this will keep me motivated to move forward; having a visual archived account of my progress and my goals hopefully will force me to stay on track. The name of my blog is My Journey. Originally I wanted to name my blog Rags to Riches because part of my focus right now is to gain more financial freedom for myself but most importantly to benefit my family and those who need more help than me. As fate would have it that name was already taken and after thinking about it, it doesn't actually embody what I am trying to relay anyway. I do not have any desire to be as rich as Oprah or Bill Gates, I would just like to be debt free, be able to afford my own home, be able to help others to help themselves, not wonder how I will be able to afford basic necessities. If I ever became as rich as someone like Bill Gates I pray that I would have the strength and fortitude to act responsibly; not let the money control me; give freely to those in serious need, and not become too extravagant. It is more important to me to have a comfortable living but not too over-the-top, after all I can not take all my worldly luxuries with me when I am gone. I think when you are poor you feel like you are suffocating especially when you have others to think about like your family. You have to settle for mediocre low-paying jobs with a boss who may treat you with disrespect, just so you can put some food on the table and for some you may be drowning in uncontrolled debt. It is a very paralyzing situation to be in, and you feel like you have to settle for choices that just barely keep you afloat, but never let you progress and build a nest egg. However I do not believe that money brings instant and assured happiness. Happiness cannot be brought, if you are not living your life in a good way no matter how much money you have you will not be truly happy. On the other hand I do not believe that money is completely evil either. The world that we live in right now requires money, and if you can have just enough of it to keep you from being stressed about the necessities that you can not manage to afford, then that is fine in my book too.... So to summarize this blog will try to tell a little about my personal journey. It is not flashy or racy; just simple. I will try to give posts about my successes and my failures as I work towards having financial freedom. I also will sprinkle in other miscellaneous things here and there, as it a journal. I cannot promise to post here everyday as my life is not spent on the computer, but I will try to maintain it often enough. I will try in the next few posts to give a little bit more info regarding my background. I do not expect this blog to be popular and reach millions or anything like that. It is not for everyone; some may not like it or relate to it but that is fine with me, as long as one person can enjoy or benefit from it. Hopefully it will also serve as a bit of a chronicle of a time in my life that someday if I have children, they will be able to know some of the things I went through or experienced; somewhat of a history if you will---My Story